Intervention continued (10)

My family went to the park together, listening to my dad’s orders. We all sat around a public picnic table and silence filled the air. No one said a word, we all just sat there looking off into space. Finally after we were all awkward for a while my dad asked who was going to speak first. It was quiet for a moment and then I spoke up. I told them I didn’t mind going first as long as everyone agreed not to yell at each other. They halfheartedly agreed and I began to speak.

“My life was an endless cycle of anger and false hope.”

I told them about being a child and laying in my room in the morning, waiting to get out of bed because I didn’t want to get a random scolding. I would listen to my step mom stomp around the house on the phone talking about me. I told my family that she used the phrase “Little Bitch” when she was talking about me, and how it hurt my feelings. These early morning talks with her mom would always lead to me feeling terrible about myself. The response I got from my step mom after she realized I had heard all of these things was simply the following: “If you hadn’t been a little bitch I probably wouldn’t have called you that.” I responded by telling her that she’s certainly more of a bitch than me, and my dad cut us off before we could even continue. This was one of the only times that I was allowed to voice my opinion and it almost hurt to be shut down. I had so much more to say, but dad could tell that this wasn’t getting us anywhere.

There were a few more words back and forth between myself and my parents. Some were me talking about how I couldn’t stand to be near my brother and other words were about my step mom’s altercations with me. It honestly felt like I was the only one talking. Silence grew a little more prominent as I started giving up. I knew this wouldn’t fix anything. My life would go back to being the way it was before. This was my dad’s attempt to solve a life long problem.

The car ride home was quiet. Each person was under the realization that this had solved nothing. My dad mentioned that if we all “tried” to get along, then this would work. What a joke. These problems had been ongoing for years. I felt like I was the only one who had attempted to correct our family’s problems, and I was defeated. There was no solution and I realized that. My life was an endless cycle of anger and false hope. How were we ever going to get anything accomplished if no one would cooperate. My words meant nothing to any of those people. I had talked myself into another terrible situation. My step mom knew that I had heard her. She knew my inner thoughts and that I despised her.

 

 

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