Suddenly I realized what I had done. I had created a place where people could come and take my journey. They can take a step into my mind and see where I’ve been, but also they can see where I’m going. It is an odd realization to feel heard, and to know that people want me to be okay. I had never known what it was like to feel this kind of love and support. Sometimes your family can hurt you so bad that you stop feeling anything. The problem when I was younger was that I grew so numb to the harsh behavior that my step mother’s scolding didn’t phase me. All the feelings would come back to haunt me later on. Its like when I finally broke down all of the emotions came crashing down at once. It was like reliving all of those other times before that I pretended didn’t bother me.
“I picked up my sobbing brother and helped him get to his room so he could pull himself together.”
How could anyone understand where I was coming from? No one listened, they didn’t hear it, see it, or even feel it. No one knew my story because I was the one who lived it. No one has seen what I’ve seen. I lived a hard life before my step mom started treating me the way she did. When I lived with my biological mother I was far from taken care of. I remember being about seven years old waking up in the mornings to my little mermaid alarm clock. I would climb out of bed and get my younger brother out of bed and help him get dressed for school. We’d get ready and go down the stairs to make our lunches. I always packed them because mom had given me the responsibility of making sure my brother didn’t take too many sweets. One morning during my usual morning routine, I reached up to turn the lamp on and it burst into flames!
I don’t know about you, but a seven year old would have a hard time figuring out what to do in that situation. Quick to react I pulled the plug from the wall and went in the bathroom and grabbed the cup we used to drink water from the bathroom sink. I climbed up on the top bunk of the bed and poured the water on top of the lamp. The fire went out and the chaotic nightmare was over. We went about our morning as usual and proceeded to go to school. When we got home, my step dad had found the lamp destroyed upstairs. He met us at the door carrying the lamp, and asked us why we had lit it on fire? We tried to tell him that it happened on its own, but he refused to listen. He grabbed my little brother by the arms and started swatting him over and over again and then when my brother got to the point of uncontrollable crying, he dropped him to the floor. I picked up my sobbing brother and helped him get to his room so he could pull himself together.
We had already had so many bad experiences with my step dad that we knew when things were going to get bad. He was one of the most awful human beings I’ve ever met including my step mom. I have never known anyone else that disgusts me more than this man. I hope he reads this so that he can understand what I’m about to tell the world.
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