The Tale of my divorce (3)

If you haven’t read part 1 or 2 scroll down. This is a series and it may be beneficial for you to read those two to understand what is happening.

My plan to leave my husband all started about four months in, but for the sake of you all understanding why, I will begin with month two. During my second month of being married, my husband suggested we move to Alabama to be near his father who was aging. We moved shortly after our discussion, and I made sure to tell him that I had no intention of staying in this small area. I pleaded with him to not get attached as I am a born traveler and want to see the world. When we got to Alabama my husband’s dad was around a lot more than I thought he should be and I noticed a change in my new spouse’s behavior. He became more open about telling me what I could do, and what I wasn’t allowed to do. I couldn’t take a phone call without him being in the room. I was under what seemed like constant supervision. I started to feel like he didn’t trust me. It felt like he was watching my every move waiting to catch me in the act. The problem is that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. This behavior he developed caused me to have anxiety. The thing about my anxiety is that I get very sick when I am having episodes. I throw up and can’t keep any food in my system, and because of this I lost a lot of weight and became very ill.

Instead of him asking me why my health had taken this turn, my then husband took my new change to mean I had to be cheating on him. He accused me every other day and it was a cycle of guilt tripping and trying to prove myself. Our relationship fizzled out and we just began to loath one another. He had constant arguments with his father as well. I finally told him one day that his father was influencing him in a negative way, and he argued and preached at me about how I was wrong. He told me that because I distanced myself from my family I was trying to force him to do the same thing. I tried to explain that his father just wasn’t a good role model for him and he only got angrier. Shortly after this I got home from the store to find my father in law’s stuff sitting in our apartment. Apparently, he had moved in.

I was so upset. Neither my husband nor his father had approached me with this and if they had, I would have said no. The controlling became worse and worse. My husband had his father spy on me all the time and it didn’t help that I worked from home. I had nothing left in my life for myself. I couldn’t remember the last time I did something that I truly wanted to do, and I was miserable.

I had met a few friends through work and life and explained my situation to them. These friends told me that I needed to leave, and to not look back. So, I began planning an escape. Over the course of a few weeks I gathered my things trying my best not to make it obvious. I packed spare backpacks full of clothes and folded the rest neatly so that they would be easy to pull out. I began finding excuses to leave home and drop off miscellaneous items with a friend, and eventually most of my smaller items were gone. One day I finally worked up the nerve and with the encouragement from a friend, I packed the rest of my items in the car and drove away.

What did my husband come home to? He came home to a letter sitting on my desk explaining that I was depressed. The letter exposed that I couldn’t handle life with him anymore. I apologized repeatedly and hoped that he would forgive me, but as I drove I didn’t care if he forgave me or not. He was controlling and made me feel like I was nothing.

My drive away was a two-and-a-half-hour drive, and I didn’t cry one single tear. I was so ready to be away that all I could do was smile.

Coming soon is part 4 (How I recovered from a mentally abusive marriage

4 comments

  1. I’m proud of you for seeing early and not wasting years. I’m not going into details about similarities but I’m proud you valued yourself over security. I know you are in a good place of recovery. Love you.

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