I am writing about my thoughts on being twenty-three. I always thought by this point in my life, that I would have most of my plans sorted out. I thought that I would’ve settled down, and maybe bought my first home with my new husband. I thought I would know exactly where my career was going and have an established plan. I thought a lot of things back then. In my heart I wanted a settled life. I had reasons for wanting the things I did. My family was completely out of order, and my mom over-dosed and died when I was 14 or so, and my step mother hated me and wished that I wasn’t around. I sometimes was so depressed, that when I went to bed I would pray not to wake up.
I don’t want to bore you with the stories of my childhood, but I do want to share with you my thoughts on programming young women. I grew up as most girls did, naive and adventurous. I had my sights set high and I was curious about anything that crossed my eyesight. I loved trying new things and wanted to travel everywhere. Even from a early age I had a vivid imagination. I used to go into the back yard and jump on the trampoline imagining the whole time that I was a wizard with magical powers destroying evil creatures. As time passed and I got older, my mother passed away and that killed my sense of wonder. I was never the same after she left me, and unfortunately this was the beginning of my years of brainwashing about the world. Thoughts about love, and marriage and having my own family. I vowed that I would have a family of my own and they would treat each other with respect, and that I would be a perfect mother. I decided that I had a vision and plan for my life.
I grasped onto every relationship in my life. All of my friends were smothered with my friendship and when I had a crush on a boy I fell hard. I learned after my first divorce that marriage doesn’t decide if a person is going to love and cherish you. I learned that If you marry the wrong person, you may not ever come out of it the same person you used to be. I married a man who I didn’t even know, all because I was trying to do what I was taught was right. I pretended to be a goody two shoes person to impress this man I didn’t even know, and my family (Who could care less). I realized after my divorce that I shouldn’t have been trying to make any one happy but myself. I think we should teach children to be themselves. I know I would have avoided a huge mistake if I would have listened to my instincts. I knew the entire time that I shouldn’t be doing what I was doing, but I did it anyway. This is what programming your children will do, and I was a lucky one. I got out of that marriage with no children and no debt. I bet you can name at least one person who did not have the same luck as me.
My point in all this is that if you teach your daughters and children to respect other people and their opinions and to love themselves, perhaps our future children will grow up to be passionate caring individuals. I have since my divorce, and I have stopped participating in the ritual of impressing my parents. I learned that good parents don’t need to be impressed. A good parent will love and cherish you no matter what choices you make. I’ve met very few people that I would consider truly good, but the people in my life now are here by choice. They are in my life because I love and respect them and that feeling is mutual. This is the point in my life where I’ve decided that I will be what I am, and I’m excited for my new adventure.
Part 2 coming soon!
I am not done ranting yet.